Who's ya Daddy?

Bear life wouldn't be what it is without the presence of so-called "daddy-son" relationships. To the uninitiated, this is essentially a relationship dynamic between an older bear (the daddy) and a cub or younger guy (the son). This is of course the most superficial of descriptions, as a daddy-son relationship is really not about age at all. So who is ya daddy?

Daddy-son relationships come in a variety of formations. At perhaps the simplest level, it is based purely upon the level of physical attraction, such as a younger guy being attracted to older guys, and as such tending hook up with and develop relationships with older men. Beyond this level, there is the level of emotional connection and need-fulfillment, such as a younger guy looking for an older bear to play a pseudo father-role. This many involve the older bear tending to make the major decisions in the relationship, and being a source of protection and comfort to the cub. Taken even further, daddy-son relationships can include implicit or explicit notions of control or dominance, such as 'daddy knows best' dynamics in sex or domestic life.

One of the true blessings of bear life is the diversity of relationships and people that are accommodated within our community. At any den night or bear function, it is normal to see a pairing that at least from the outside may resemble a daddy-son relationship. Like any relationship, the dynamics between the couple are a private matter, but sometimes they spill over into public displays of dis-affection. It can be displayed in who gets the make the decisions around issues such as how much is too much, when its time to go, or who's allowed to do what with whom and when.

Bear community is generally accepting and welcoming of the full spectrum of relationships. In the straight world, such relationships would be far more prone to judgement and suggestions of impropriety. This is a classic example of the narrow and constricted view of what is "ok" purported by the straight world. We all know their deviance is just hushed up never owned or accepted into their mainstream. There is a set mould of what is acceptable, and anything outside of this is encouraged to be viewed with suspicion and judgement. Blinkers are drawn to what could be profound about this point of difference.

The love and affection between any two men drawn together can be profoundly healing. The simple fact that a cub and a bear are drawn together says something about what they need, and what they can give to each other. The cub/son may open the bear/daddy up to a new world of sex, parties, friends and community that may have otherwise been inaccessible to him. In turn, the daddy may open the son up to a world of love, support, acceptance, financial security and strength that they never experienced from their own father. Like any relationship, daddy-son relationships can be fraught with their own difficulties. These difficulties are what makes them normal, human, not make them wrong or deviant. Daddy-son relationships are a rich part of bear community and a unique part of our cultural heritage.