Single shite hemale

There is something about being a single gay male that piques people’s curiosity and pity. They ask, “Why are you still single?” in a tone that conveys their lack of understanding about how life could be meaningful without being an other. There is often a subtle or brutal suggestion that it must be a double blow to be gay and to be single.

Being single is considered to be only a default position by many, merely a state of waiting until you come to your senses and meet Mr Right. While the debate about gay marriage is ripe, and I will get to that in another blog, there is an absent debate about the right to be single. There is an underlying assumption that it is better to be coupled, and anything less than this is second class. This is not unlike the assumption that it is somehow better to be heterosexual, and the sickening attitude of tolerating our homosexuality. We’ve had enough of this attitude, and rightly so. It’s also time to rethink the way we think about being single and question our own prejudices.

If you strip it right back, prejudice is projected fear of the perpetrator displaced on to the victim of the prejudice. For example, racism by a majority race is a projected fear of being a minority, fearing what it would be like for they themselves to be the minority. Such fear is justified as difference and taken by many as being acceptable. In a similar manner, people’s fear of being single themselves is projected on to a single person and they are somehow judged as being deficient. The coupled majority look down upon the single minority with prejudice stemming from their own need to be defined as an other.

This not to say that people should be single, or all single people want to be so, rather to consider that being single can be a valid choice. To choose to be single is to choose to live without fear. It is to come to rely upon a deep sense of connection with many, rather than any particular other. It is to invest in a wide variety of relationships, from the passionately and sexually intimate FBs through to the deepest platonic friendships. To learn to live with, and to like oneself, feeling complete without the need to be competed by an other. By any definition, this is a more free life, free from fear, free from limitations or expectations of society. What’s more gay than that?