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| Pic from http://malepatternboldness.blogspot.com.au |
I've been musing about the extent to which we hold other bears accountable for keeping up their 'bear image'. I have experienced this to a lesser extent in the few times that I have shaved my beard off completely. I can vividly remember bears coming up to me in the pub with a startled and shocked look upon their face. "What have you done?" was the general tone. Like my Facebook friend, I was also generously offered the feedback that they preferred my more hirsute image.
Does bear community turn its back upon those among us who lose weight, shave their beard, gain muscle, wax their chest, etc? I wonder if unconsciously we malign those who pursue or experiment with modifying their body in some such way. It gets me wondering if bear community could be only follicle-deep behind our ideals of inclusivity, masculinity and non-attitude.
It could easily be said that this is just one bear expressing their opinion or preference about another, like commenting on someone's fashion. However, I do wonder what would happen if a bear turned up at the pub one week with only one leg? Would bears come up and say, "I preferred you with two legs". Clearly they wouldn't, as that would be crossing the invisible line of taste.
So whats the difference between someone losing weight and losing a leg? Perhaps it comes down to the intent to change oneself in a major way. Maybe it shines a light upon our intolerance for people who intentionally move away from our stereotyped ideals of bearhood. Are we really that superficial? Cheeseburgers for thought.
I dont think that people hate people changing to improve their wellbeing, etc. I believe that it is more that they lose that sense of familiarity and that frightens them because things are changing that they cannot control and very few people like to lose control of their world.
ReplyDeleteA bear mate of mine has shaved his beard off for a play he is doing. I did give him a ribbing but then what are friends for. There were quite a number of people saying bring the old version back. It wasnt that they didnt want him to change in order to do the play but that they wanted the familiar friend back so that they could confirm that there wasnt any change in him that could take him away from them.
We fear change because it is an unknown and we express it in ways that are valis to us and our needs but are not always projected to others in a positive re-enforcing way
I wonder if the tie has more to do with sexual preferences? For example I love beards and fur. I love the feeling on my skin of a hairy fella. For me when a bloke is to shave his body hair I am a little sad to see something that I find genuinely sexy gone.
ReplyDeleteOf course sexual preferences are one thing and physical health is another. While I like a curvy guy I also understand when a guy has put in a hard effort to bring his body towards health.
Shaving a beard is one thing, avoiding a heart attack is another.
I think there can be a bit of a sense of 'betrayal of the brotherhood'. When I got rid of my beard once, the first barb lobbed at me when I entered the local bear bar in Auckland was "you look like a Christian".
ReplyDeleteWith the weight thing, I know from my personal experience that when I make comments that could be construed as "preferring the old version" is that I want the man to know that I like him for who he is. We have such immense pressure put on us around body image, sometimes I think we can rush to change things for the wrong reasons.
As a friend of mine who struggled with body image and weight issues for years told me, he didn't start to succeed in his goals until he started doing it for himself and not for other people.
I think perhaps something being missed here is the sense of familiarity we have with our friends.. wanting to see someone with their old beard back or as they used to be (in some cases) can be simply about the shock of change and feeling that (in a strictly illogical sense) because said friend now looks completely different from how they did before it's like that old friend is suddenly gone! replaced with a person that we are unfamiliar with..
ReplyDeleteI think us humans are essentially creatures of habit and while at a deep level we really do know its still the same person with all their old lovable quirks and foibles when they suddenly seem radically different, either through muscle or folicular transfiguration we find ourselves longing for the familiar because that's how we came to know and love that person... I guess the real challenge lies in what we do after the initial shock... the shallow person turns away where the true friend sticks by their buddy... so the measure of the individual comes to light when they answer that question through actions...