Suing my way to the top

If you are anything like me, you have been reading with hilarity the story breaking this week of an ex-Geelong school girl suing her private school for not doing enough to get her into her preferred university course. http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/school-failed-to-get-me-into-law-20120516-1yrcb.html

So let me get this right. You didn't work hard enough, or were simply not smart enough to get into law, and you got glandular fever and left the school mid year anyway, and it's all the school's fault. And yes, you seriously think you deserve to be compensated for this?

That's brilliant! So I'm making a list of people that I'm suing starting immediately:

• My parents, for not giving me the genetics I truly deserve.
• My kindergarten having toilet cubicles with no doors, I'm forever scarred.
• The boys at school who teased me for being a poof, even though they turned out to be right.
• My Grade 6 teacher for not molesting me, as he was hot and he should have at least tried.
• Suing my private school for pain suffering for closing at the end of Year 12.
• My first girlfriend for not knowing better that I was gay.
• My first boyfriend who making me wait to admit you were gay.
• My local supermarket for being out of Doritos last week when I had a real craving.
• And finally God, for allowing entitled school girls to occupy valuable media space all this week.